Jerry, you need to find god
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am one with the molecules
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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