Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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