I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
