the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
