lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
