after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
