how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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