remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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