After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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