There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
