4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
