is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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