Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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