so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
