i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
