don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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