Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's always time for handjobs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
