well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
