apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
