i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
