So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
