I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they're like a gay fantastic four
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
