i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
