Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We left the knife in your bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
