There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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