True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
