Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
