Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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