I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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