I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
