Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
