my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
