so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I see more hoeing in ur future
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