It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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