Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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