Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
