But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
