"it" just moved
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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