I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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