I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
