two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Randomize
