Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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