There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
