i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think your dad took our porno
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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