Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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