I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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