She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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