My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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