i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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