You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
