Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
