We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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