Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
