I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
