Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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