All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
