pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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